Youth Reform

I know racism exists. 

I've experienced it and witnessed it. I remember my niece and my little brother being harassed at school because they are half black. I remember friends not wanting to spend the night at my house because they were afraid of my black step-father and the taboo of an interracial couple. I remember coming back to the states after two years in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and having to defend Muslim friends during a time when people believed all Muslims were Taliban. We have come a long way, but there will always be ignorance to conquer.

My opinion of the situation in Ferguson, Mo is fairly complicated because of two facts: I come from a liberal, ridiculously multicultural background and I am married to a white, police officer. On the one hand, I know there are police officers who probably should not be police officers. That goes for any profession. I know that the cycle of poverty is much harder to break than most people of privilege could ever understand and I know that this can easily lead to a criminal lifestyle. 

But when I saw the video of a teenager stealing and assaulting a sales clerk, I did not see a black person, I saw an extremely troubled youth. I watched this video as a mother and as a teacher and I thought to myself, what happened to this kid to make him think it is okay to behave that way? What caused this sense of entitlement? This sense of being untouchable, unstoppable?

You listen to his parents speak of him and you see this photo of him in his cap and gown and you can't help but think, that could be my child or my student. I mean, if in all honesty these people did not realize their own offspring was an a**hole, then what made him that way? How could they have possibly been so busy that they missed the fact that he was running around town completely out of control? These are legitimate questions as a parent. You know your child will encounter bad people in their lives, you can't possibly shelter them from everyone and everything, but how can you ensure that what you teach them sticks? How can you ensure that they will make the right choices? How can you ensure that they won't become monsters in or out of your presence?

As a teacher, I often felt like today's youth is getting more confident, but about all the wrong things. I taught math, very rarely was anyone confident about that, however, I had a student confident enough to crush and snort Oxycontin out of my textbook at 7:25am. I had a student confident enough to threaten my job when I asked him to stop disrupting my class. I had a Freshman student confident enough to ask me how far he was allowed to go with his girlfriend in the hallway because he likes to mess around with her and doesn't get to see her outside of school. I had a student with the nerve to tell me that he is failing because I failed to teach him while he sat there on his phone, never taking notes, never asking questions and rarely showing up to school. 

You want to know why they were so confident being so completely inappropriate without any sense of accountability? Well, the secret is out folks...society has failed to follow through with consequences. We are afraid of law suits and confrontation and we lack the resources to defend ourselves from those who take advantage of the system...and they know it. 

The one thing all of these students had in common was that they all got out of trouble on technicalities. A technicality that their parents supported and relied on. These teens then learned to use these technicalities to their advantage knowing the administration would not be bothered with the fight of holding them accountable for their actions. Thus, the "no fear," "no respect" behavior.

I was a teenager once. I had issues with authority growing up, but they were controlled and internalized. I suppose after being constantly in trouble in elementary school, I realized what was acceptable and what was not and I made the necessary corrections. As I got older I learned how to manipulate my way through the system by being a "good kid." I mean, who is going to question the preppy kid with straight A's? So when I run into teens with no tact whatsoever and no desire for any self-respect or respect for others I am completely baffled by them. I just don't get it. 

The other day, I'm hearing of the tragedy in Ferguson and I'm hearing that this teenager, after committing a felony, then had the balls to not just disrespect a police officer, but reach into his car, punch him in the face and fight for his gun. This is the story I will believe based on the physical evidence of the location of the victim's blood as well as blood spatter analysis. This is also easy to believe because you can see the aggression that this teen has in the video so I wouldn't say it would be out of character for him to act in this manner. 

Now, was I there? No. Did I see it with my own eyes? No. Do I know this officer to be a good man without racist intent? No. What I do know, is that Michael Brown's actions were enough that it was Officer Wilson's legal right to decide whether or not to use his weapon. I know that unless you are in that moment with that officer, you cannot make a reasonable judgment on the situation. You were not there. What would have happened had Brown won the gun in the struggle? Has anyone even considered what a tragedy that would have been?

The jury sees that Wilson was acting within his rights as an officer and do not prosecute him for his actions. At this point, although I feel for the officer who was put in this awful position, I can also understand why people would question his judgment. Was it really necessary for him to kill this boy? Was the officer really so poorly trained that he did not know how to handle himself in this situation without someone leaving in a body bag? These are valid questions, but hindsight is 2020. I was not there.

I could not help but feel sorry for the nonviolent protestors whose valid questions and concerns were overshadowed by the very ignorance that created the type of youth who would behave like Brown. The ignorance that would take advantage of the death of a boy to destroy their own community.

The ignorance that feeds the cycle of poverty and civil unrest.

I felt even more sorry for the families of the officers who then had to go out and defend this community from themselves! The innocent children whose parents put their lives on the line to stop the horrific damage the riots caused.

The President asked for police reform. I agree that the force should better represent those of the community they serve. I believe officers need better training and more funding for cameras in units so that situations such as these can be resolved with certainty. But more importantly, there needs to be some sort of youth reform. Not just in Ferguson, but everywhere.

This youth reform needs to start at home. It needs to start with parents who actually care about their child's future enough to take the time to teach their children about responsibility and repercussions. Parents who stop making excuses for their children, but rather own up to their transgressions and hold them accountable for their actions. 

I am tired of people pointing fingers and threatening with law suits or making ridiculous reasoning for acting irresponsibly. The only thing we actually have control of in this life is our actions and our reactions to others. We need to set an example of how to live with integrity at home.

I am not perfect, there are things that I have to work on every day to better myself as a person and as a mother. But my determination to raise decent human-beings supersedes any and all other decisions I make as a parent. This is why I follow through with every punishment despite my exhaustion, this is why I will not tolerate disrespect and embarrassment, this is why I remind my children of what is right and wrong daily. My children will know that a police officer is someone who puts his or her own life on the line to protect them when they are in danger and therefore they deserve the utmost respect. They will know that a teacher is essential to their growth and success and therefore they deserve the utmost respect. They will know that an elder's wisdom is something that cannot be taught, but only experienced, and therefore, they deserve the utmost respect. They will know that their parents do all of the above for them as well, therefore, we deserve their utmost respect. PERIOD. They will also know, that in the event that one of these people do not deserve their respect, there is a better way of dealing with them than behaving inappropriately because ultimately, if they chose to behave poorly, they alone will be held accountable for their poor choices. 

I feel like these lessons are forgotten amongst many parents who are just trying to stay afloat; parents who are in survival mode trying to make ends meet. I understand that these lessons are not easily taught, but I truly believe these lessons are essential for not only their survival, but our own. Who, but our youth will succeed us in the future? Who will take care of this country when we are gone?

These lessons then need to be carried out by our communities and our schools. I look at that graduation photo and think, how could a young man graduate from a school without the basic knowledge of right and wrong? Did anyone ever follow through with his punishments in school? Or did they create a monster by never driving home the idea of being held accountable for ones actions? Was he ever handed to law enforcement? Was there any rehabilitation in place for this misguided youth or was he just handed back over to his parents? Did the reluctance to follow through and hold him accountable for his behavior ultimately play a hand in his death? These are just some of the questions that I think are worth pondering. 

One of the reasons I gave up teaching was because I was rarely supported by parents and administration. They would agree with me, but fail to do anything to help...

In light of the recent riots in Ferguson, I think it is important to remember that not every act that a police officer makes has to do with race. Sometimes, they are doing their job within their legal limits, knowing that they will be tirelessly critiqued. I'd like to ask people to not just think of the criminal's rights, but also of the rights of those who serve our communities in law enforcement. They are people too and they deserve to be respected and they have the right to defend themselves by a potential threat. 

I wrote this letter to my husband after he was called in the middle of the night to a SWAT stand off. My heart goes out to Ferguson and all those who have suffered a loss.

December 14 2013

Dear Husband, each day when you put on your vest and your badge I say a prayer for your return home safely, though I know what a badass you are. And when you get those 3AM phone calls from dispatch and have to get out of bed and suit up because some druggie is holding people hostage and is shooting a gun out of his house, I pray you act first if your life is threatened without thought of the ridicule you will receive from the media for doing what you thought necessary in a stressful situation. You see, though society does not respect your position, you will be the first to come to their aid when they are in need; you are vital to our society's safety and more importantly I depend on you and our sons depend on you so your ass better come home ALIVE. I would rather you be fired than deemed a hero in a box. It's absolutely absurd that people who are doing illegal things are shocked when something bad happens to them or the people they love. Just want to thank all of the first responders out there and remind you that although many people are ungrateful for the risk you take everyday, I am not. Thank you and stay safe.