Holy Stretch Marks Batman!
So I took a shower today...In case you were wondering. It's not that I don't want to shower, it's just that taking a shower when you have three young children becomes an interesting venture to say the least. I could attempt to turn on a movie for them, but more times than not someone is crying as soon as I'm lathered up with shampoo. Then comes nap time, which can range anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours. One can never know who will ring the doorbell or which dog will bark at an imaginary cat in the living room so I'm often torn between priorities during this time. Either way, you should know that I do shower daily, just not always during nap time.
This post is not about hygiene, however, it's about the shift that happens when a woman has a baby. I am not going to say I speak for all women here, because we all know the women who continue being exactly who they were prior to having children, but for me, and many women I speak to, having children changes you. After a yoga class, a girlfriend and I discussed how superficial we once were before kids. I always thought of myself as a kind person, I was never a shallow person by any means, but I had no idea how much I had invested in my physical appearance until I had children. So much of how I was defined by others, myself included, revolved around my appearance. Sometimes I revolted against it. I remember being so determine to prove to the other philosophy majors that I belonged there even though I smiled entirely too much for their comfort. I am not stupid, I am not some dumb blonde, I graduated 6th in my high school senior class and with honors from both universities, but even still, almost subconsciously, I always looked for attention for my physical appearance.
I was cruel to myself. I would jump from diet to diet, guilt myself out whenever I missed a gym session and stare at myself in the mirror with nothing but criticism. I would date men who basically treated me as an accessory to their outfit and heaven forbid I would speak or have an opinion. Then it happened. I met my husband, who had a two year old son (Jacson) and I immediately fell in love with him. Jacson that is, I fell in love with Jacson immediately, my husband had to grow on me a bit hehe. My husband had and still has full custody and instantly I began mothering him as if he were my own. Again Jacson was the one I began mothering, not my husband, although it could be argued otherwise...Any way, I had invited them to Thanksgiving dinner and my family was going around the table saying what they were thankful for. When we reached my sister (ten years my senior with 2 daughters) she said, "I'm thankful to see my sister (me) in a mothering role and with the two of you (ie my husband and Jac) because she used to be so selfish...and now she is caring for others and it's nice to see." Um...awkward moment for me. Was that a compliment? I was completely embarrassed and kind of pissed, but I knew she meant well so to save my dignity I said, "thank you" and left it at that.
The thing is, she was right. Now, as I stare at myself in the mirror before getting in the shower I see a completely different body before me. Being 9 weeks postpartum I still have about 20 lbs to lose. Honestly, half of that is probably in my boobs. It's not what you're thinking; this is not a celebratory situation as they are veiny and heavy with milk. I learned after my first child that my once perfect breasts would be used up and shrivel into empty bags of sadness as soon as Liam was through with nursing and I'm certain it'll be the same once Rory is through. My skin in the stomach area has definitely been stretched. Eventually this will look somewhat normal when standing, but I will forever refuse to look down while in plank position from here on out. You know, in case I attend a naked Pilates class in the NEVER future. My belly button has also gone under transformation as it used to be tiny and cute but is now like a small pond. Stretch marks are where mother nature gets creative. Everyone's stretchmarks are unique to them almost like a finger print only much less discrete. I have them above and below my belly button so that from the side it might look like a huge eye with wrinkles. Seriously, I can make it wink at you. HOTNESS!
I'm not trying to gross you out or anything and in time the stretch marks fade a bit and the skin will tighten back up a bit, but I will never go back to where I was. Strangely, despite everything I have just disclosed, I have never felt so beautiful, confident and empowered in my life. Sure, some of it has to do with age. I've finally learned how much of my young worries were simply bullshit. I've also been through a lot in relationships and now know my worth. But the real reason I feel so grounded is because when I hold these little miracles that I brought into this world I know that my most important role in this life is to teach, nurture and protect them. It's the only thing that matters to me and all of the other superficial crap just sort of faded away. They helped me to see the big picture.
I was fully aware of this change when I took Jacson to school the other day. As I walked him up to the building, I couldn't help but notice people looking at me. I then realized that I hadn't even looked in the mirror that morning...at all. Who knows what sort of hot mess I must have looked like. Did I have toothpaste down the front of my shirt? Was there baby spit up in my hair? Was I wearing different shoes? Or worse, did I pull a Janet Jackson nip slip? After establishing the whereabouts of the girls, I smiled. I had walked out of my house without looking in the mirror because it didn't matter what I looked like. I had to get my son to school. I felt the most insane freedom in that moment. It reminded me of the comedy show on Nickelodeon called Nick mom at night. I'll never forget this one comedian who said she could remember the first time going into public after having her son. She had caught her reflection in a window and offered that homeless man a dollar! Hysterical and true.
Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means declaring that I'm letting myself go.
I believe I owe it to my family to maintain my health and also to maintain my husband's attraction. I will go back to working out once the parting of my abs has ceased, not because I will feel guilty if I don't, but because I feel good when I do. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who is confident and who loves herself and embraces who she has become. There is nothing more beautiful than a mother. I was a prisoner of my own neurotic superficial torment and my children have given me a better perspective. They have given me freedom.
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This post is not about hygiene, however, it's about the shift that happens when a woman has a baby. I am not going to say I speak for all women here, because we all know the women who continue being exactly who they were prior to having children, but for me, and many women I speak to, having children changes you. After a yoga class, a girlfriend and I discussed how superficial we once were before kids. I always thought of myself as a kind person, I was never a shallow person by any means, but I had no idea how much I had invested in my physical appearance until I had children. So much of how I was defined by others, myself included, revolved around my appearance. Sometimes I revolted against it. I remember being so determine to prove to the other philosophy majors that I belonged there even though I smiled entirely too much for their comfort. I am not stupid, I am not some dumb blonde, I graduated 6th in my high school senior class and with honors from both universities, but even still, almost subconsciously, I always looked for attention for my physical appearance.
I was cruel to myself. I would jump from diet to diet, guilt myself out whenever I missed a gym session and stare at myself in the mirror with nothing but criticism. I would date men who basically treated me as an accessory to their outfit and heaven forbid I would speak or have an opinion. Then it happened. I met my husband, who had a two year old son (Jacson) and I immediately fell in love with him. Jacson that is, I fell in love with Jacson immediately, my husband had to grow on me a bit hehe. My husband had and still has full custody and instantly I began mothering him as if he were my own. Again Jacson was the one I began mothering, not my husband, although it could be argued otherwise...Any way, I had invited them to Thanksgiving dinner and my family was going around the table saying what they were thankful for. When we reached my sister (ten years my senior with 2 daughters) she said, "I'm thankful to see my sister (me) in a mothering role and with the two of you (ie my husband and Jac) because she used to be so selfish...and now she is caring for others and it's nice to see." Um...awkward moment for me. Was that a compliment? I was completely embarrassed and kind of pissed, but I knew she meant well so to save my dignity I said, "thank you" and left it at that.
The thing is, she was right. Now, as I stare at myself in the mirror before getting in the shower I see a completely different body before me. Being 9 weeks postpartum I still have about 20 lbs to lose. Honestly, half of that is probably in my boobs. It's not what you're thinking; this is not a celebratory situation as they are veiny and heavy with milk. I learned after my first child that my once perfect breasts would be used up and shrivel into empty bags of sadness as soon as Liam was through with nursing and I'm certain it'll be the same once Rory is through. My skin in the stomach area has definitely been stretched. Eventually this will look somewhat normal when standing, but I will forever refuse to look down while in plank position from here on out. You know, in case I attend a naked Pilates class in the NEVER future. My belly button has also gone under transformation as it used to be tiny and cute but is now like a small pond. Stretch marks are where mother nature gets creative. Everyone's stretchmarks are unique to them almost like a finger print only much less discrete. I have them above and below my belly button so that from the side it might look like a huge eye with wrinkles. Seriously, I can make it wink at you. HOTNESS!
I'm not trying to gross you out or anything and in time the stretch marks fade a bit and the skin will tighten back up a bit, but I will never go back to where I was. Strangely, despite everything I have just disclosed, I have never felt so beautiful, confident and empowered in my life. Sure, some of it has to do with age. I've finally learned how much of my young worries were simply bullshit. I've also been through a lot in relationships and now know my worth. But the real reason I feel so grounded is because when I hold these little miracles that I brought into this world I know that my most important role in this life is to teach, nurture and protect them. It's the only thing that matters to me and all of the other superficial crap just sort of faded away. They helped me to see the big picture.
I was fully aware of this change when I took Jacson to school the other day. As I walked him up to the building, I couldn't help but notice people looking at me. I then realized that I hadn't even looked in the mirror that morning...at all. Who knows what sort of hot mess I must have looked like. Did I have toothpaste down the front of my shirt? Was there baby spit up in my hair? Was I wearing different shoes? Or worse, did I pull a Janet Jackson nip slip? After establishing the whereabouts of the girls, I smiled. I had walked out of my house without looking in the mirror because it didn't matter what I looked like. I had to get my son to school. I felt the most insane freedom in that moment. It reminded me of the comedy show on Nickelodeon called Nick mom at night. I'll never forget this one comedian who said she could remember the first time going into public after having her son. She had caught her reflection in a window and offered that homeless man a dollar! Hysterical and true.
Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means declaring that I'm letting myself go.
I believe I owe it to my family to maintain my health and also to maintain my husband's attraction. I will go back to working out once the parting of my abs has ceased, not because I will feel guilty if I don't, but because I feel good when I do. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who is confident and who loves herself and embraces who she has become. There is nothing more beautiful than a mother. I was a prisoner of my own neurotic superficial torment and my children have given me a better perspective. They have given me freedom.
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