Bang Bang You're Dead
I always wanted a daughter. I wanted to raise a strong, confident, independent woman. I wanted to be the mom that supported her dreams and inspired her to push beyond her own limits. I dreamt of taking her to get her nails done and helping pick out her wedding dress...Well...I was blessed with three BOYS.
Don't get me wrong, boys are awesome. It's easier to dress them and do their hair. They definitely love their momma and generally speaking they are a bit less dramatic than what I've seen of female offspring. So, I have finally gotten over the fact that we are probably done having children, therefore, I will never have a daughter.
The idea of four kids sounds impossible at this point in time.
How do we feed them and pay for sports and clothes and family trips? Can my body handle going through another pregnancy? And lets be honest, I'll probably have another boy!
One of the main issues I'm having with three sons, besides the fact that I clean pee off of the toilet seat on a daily basis, is that I'm not really sure how to play with them.
Boys are gross; they make songs about excrement.
Boys are aggressive; I can't say how many times I've been head butted, kicked, or jumped on just from them being excited about something.
Boys are insanely energetic; I can sit on the couch and watch my children run circles around the entire house for hours, sometimes running head first into a door or wall or coffee table, or all three at once if they are having an extra special day.
My husband is the epitomy of all things man. He can sit and play Legos for hours, he loves anything super hero, loves video games, and insists that I am no longer allowed to make gun noises because I apparently suck at it. He is a police sergeant during the day, CrossFit coach in the evenings and plays just about every sport during his recreational times.
Here I am, the person who spends the most time with our children and I am very much a typical female. I like quiet activities such as reading, writing, drawing, and yoga. I enjoy dance, cooking, baking, and painting my toes. Needless to say, when I play with my kids I am putting on one hell of an act because there is nothing natural about what I am doing.
My husband has been telling me that I have a tendency to try and shelter our kids too much and just now, when I asked the boys to stop watching his video game and play in their room, he accused me of having a "holier than thou" attitude and I wasn't allowing them to be boys.
I personally don't see why keeping them from something that is rated for teenagers is not allowing them to be boys, but we will agree to disagree and he will play when they are in bed. When we discussed the cartoons they watch I said I prefer they watch learning shows, but he feels a lot of those shows are too feminine.
As a compromise, we have agreed to every so often let them watch Transformers and Ninja Turtles and basically shows that my husband watched growing up. Some of these cartoons are pretty violent if you think about it and now whenever my two year old gets in trouble for hitting he says,
"I'm bad guy mommy" or "I'm ninja mommy,"
and what can I say to that?!
My husband says he will enroll them in some sort of grappling class so that they learn how to defend themselves and they will know when it is appropriate to use certain moves. I keep thinking, but they will mess their beautiful little faces up! I guess that is just my role in the family though. I am the mom, so I will be protective and push them in an intellectual way, while their father will be the disciplinarian and push them physically. Wow, I guess we are pretty traditional with the gender rolls over here!
Strangely, I find myself slowly becoming some sort of coach. When I'm around kids who's parents have sheltered them more or have been less hard on them when it comes to discipline, I am annoyed with their whiney persona. I am proud of my boys being tough. I am proud they are strong and polite and lead instead of follow.
I guess my main questions at this point is why must boy games or boy
themed cartoons be associated with violence? Am I being ridiculous when
I'm uncomfortable with these things being around my children? They are
five and under, to me they are very much babies still. Society as a
whole has been desensitized by the media and by entertainment. Do I want
my children desensitized? Or have boys been playing this way since the
beginning of time and this is what allows them to become the protectors
and providers of the family? I know my children will inevitably be seeing these things elsewhere at some point. Would I rather them see them with me when I can explain to them what is happening and why and what's right or wrong about it; or would I rather them experience these things without my guidance?
Most recently, my husband brought home some toy guns that make cool shooting noises. My husband was running around with them, they were all shooting each other and saying,
"I shot you! You're dead now!"
Then my two year old put the gun up to the baby's head and said,
"Rory's dead now mommy!"
Ug, my stomach turned. Even my husband stopped and said,
"ok, lets not shoot the baby let's just shoot at each other."
I took a deep breath and joined in on the shooting festivities; I don't want to miss out on family fun just because I'd rather be painting their toes...watching my children's faces light up when daddy plays with them gives me a feeling that I can't put into words. My husband is such an amazing father and when he gets home from work he rolls around with them, plays games, reads to them before bed, and sometimes we all do yoga together...Basically, this makes him so much hotter than he already is:)
I feel like I just need to lighten up and stop being this over protective person because I know that being good parents will help our children to understand right from wrong. I know that if I ultimately end up with a ninja sword to the face, my children will stop, say, "sorry mommy" and kiss my wound. That I am proud of and everything we do is now a learning opportunity for them and how to react in the real world.
So here's to not sheltering our children, but allowing them to ask questions and helping them to understand.
Here's to pushing ourselves as parents to doing things that are sometimes not natural to us, but are important to our children. Here's to allowing our significant other to play their role as parent and appreciating the very important balance that two different personalities make in leading a family.
Here's to having faith in our parenting skills, letting go of the fear of screwing them up and knowing that our children will take what we've taught them and make good choices and every bad choice will be a necessary learning experience.
Don't get me wrong, boys are awesome. It's easier to dress them and do their hair. They definitely love their momma and generally speaking they are a bit less dramatic than what I've seen of female offspring. So, I have finally gotten over the fact that we are probably done having children, therefore, I will never have a daughter.
The idea of four kids sounds impossible at this point in time.
How do we feed them and pay for sports and clothes and family trips? Can my body handle going through another pregnancy? And lets be honest, I'll probably have another boy!
One of the main issues I'm having with three sons, besides the fact that I clean pee off of the toilet seat on a daily basis, is that I'm not really sure how to play with them.
Boys are gross; they make songs about excrement.
Boys are aggressive; I can't say how many times I've been head butted, kicked, or jumped on just from them being excited about something.
Boys are insanely energetic; I can sit on the couch and watch my children run circles around the entire house for hours, sometimes running head first into a door or wall or coffee table, or all three at once if they are having an extra special day.
My husband is the epitomy of all things man. He can sit and play Legos for hours, he loves anything super hero, loves video games, and insists that I am no longer allowed to make gun noises because I apparently suck at it. He is a police sergeant during the day, CrossFit coach in the evenings and plays just about every sport during his recreational times.
Here I am, the person who spends the most time with our children and I am very much a typical female. I like quiet activities such as reading, writing, drawing, and yoga. I enjoy dance, cooking, baking, and painting my toes. Needless to say, when I play with my kids I am putting on one hell of an act because there is nothing natural about what I am doing.
My husband has been telling me that I have a tendency to try and shelter our kids too much and just now, when I asked the boys to stop watching his video game and play in their room, he accused me of having a "holier than thou" attitude and I wasn't allowing them to be boys.
I personally don't see why keeping them from something that is rated for teenagers is not allowing them to be boys, but we will agree to disagree and he will play when they are in bed. When we discussed the cartoons they watch I said I prefer they watch learning shows, but he feels a lot of those shows are too feminine.
As a compromise, we have agreed to every so often let them watch Transformers and Ninja Turtles and basically shows that my husband watched growing up. Some of these cartoons are pretty violent if you think about it and now whenever my two year old gets in trouble for hitting he says,
"I'm bad guy mommy" or "I'm ninja mommy,"
and what can I say to that?!
My husband says he will enroll them in some sort of grappling class so that they learn how to defend themselves and they will know when it is appropriate to use certain moves. I keep thinking, but they will mess their beautiful little faces up! I guess that is just my role in the family though. I am the mom, so I will be protective and push them in an intellectual way, while their father will be the disciplinarian and push them physically. Wow, I guess we are pretty traditional with the gender rolls over here!
Strangely, I find myself slowly becoming some sort of coach. When I'm around kids who's parents have sheltered them more or have been less hard on them when it comes to discipline, I am annoyed with their whiney persona. I am proud of my boys being tough. I am proud they are strong and polite and lead instead of follow.
Most recently, my husband brought home some toy guns that make cool shooting noises. My husband was running around with them, they were all shooting each other and saying,
"I shot you! You're dead now!"
Then my two year old put the gun up to the baby's head and said,
"Rory's dead now mommy!"
Ug, my stomach turned. Even my husband stopped and said,
"ok, lets not shoot the baby let's just shoot at each other."
I took a deep breath and joined in on the shooting festivities; I don't want to miss out on family fun just because I'd rather be painting their toes...watching my children's faces light up when daddy plays with them gives me a feeling that I can't put into words. My husband is such an amazing father and when he gets home from work he rolls around with them, plays games, reads to them before bed, and sometimes we all do yoga together...Basically, this makes him so much hotter than he already is:)
I feel like I just need to lighten up and stop being this over protective person because I know that being good parents will help our children to understand right from wrong. I know that if I ultimately end up with a ninja sword to the face, my children will stop, say, "sorry mommy" and kiss my wound. That I am proud of and everything we do is now a learning opportunity for them and how to react in the real world.
So here's to not sheltering our children, but allowing them to ask questions and helping them to understand.
Here's to pushing ourselves as parents to doing things that are sometimes not natural to us, but are important to our children. Here's to allowing our significant other to play their role as parent and appreciating the very important balance that two different personalities make in leading a family.
Here's to having faith in our parenting skills, letting go of the fear of screwing them up and knowing that our children will take what we've taught them and make good choices and every bad choice will be a necessary learning experience.
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