To Shower or Not to Shower

So my husband and I have fairly often had this conversation: Him: Are you really mad at me for having to poop? Me: Yes. I'm certain some people will think this is too much information, but I must know if there are other women who feel that the amount of time men spend pooping is absurd.  Now before you think I'm a total whack job for putting a time limit on the facilities, you should know that I am not so much mad at the what, but rather the when. I suppose you don't really have control over when you need to go, but if it's so urgent that you leave in the middle of unloading groceries, or bathing the kids, or getting ready to leave the house and be somewhere, then how could it possibly take 45 minutes to get it out? Seriously, the only time I am relieved to hear he has to poop is when I have a show recorded that I want to watch and he's not interested. Then I'm like, "Perfect, I can watch my hour long program without interruptions!" ...

I haven't written a post in over a month! I've been THAT busy.  The Realtor who I've been working for is on fire and I've been trying to juggle the copious amounts of paperwork with my ever difficult five year old, two year old and chunky monk 6 month old. Being busy is good though, it's less time for me to over analyze existing in my overly hormonal, analytic, female brain.  I also decided to go ahead and get my Realtor license, which excites me, but now that I think about it, is only magnifying my neurosis.  What neurosis you ask? The constant "pursuit of happiness" neurosis. Or maybe even the ego satisfying neurosis, I'm not sure which one.  The other day I just felt completely useless. I mean I worked my butt off taking care of the children; never sitting down, fussy baby, fighting siblings, nurse, abcmouse.com, dog eating trash, toddler peeing on rug next to toilet, nurse, five year old sticking hand in baby's mouth, toddler refusing t...

Recently, I was contacted by a high school friend regarding a relationship she's in that's leaving her feeling vulnerable and unfulfilled. She had read my post on marriage and was reaching out for more understanding of my relationship philosophy. Those of you who have had the privilege of knowing me since my early to mid-twenties will also know of my horrible, terrible, no good very bad relationship with a dude named, well...Let's call him D-bag.  I know you'd  know of him because in those years of my life I was consumed by this relationship and had a difficult time discussing much else.  In fact, I would argue that I had become an entirely different person whilst attempting to fit his fantastic mold.  He was handsome and charming and oh yeah, how could I forget, a complete sociopath!  He cheated and lied and made me feel trapped in a very toxic world of make-ups and break-ups for three years. I made a fool of myself in public...more than once. I l...

I have been asked to share what is on the dinner menu in my home this week!   We are attempting to tackle the obstacle of eating organic, but also experimenting with both the "Zone/Paleo" combo plan and the "Bullet Proof Diet."  Both of these diets are similar in that they push organic meals made up of good fats, proteins and vegetables with very little grains. They also both agree on limiting your intake of foods that cause inflammation, which ultimately lead to diseases and cancers. Bullet Proof is a tad bit more hard core and a little off the grid in comparison to Paleo. The man lived with Tibetan Monks and did experiments on himself using tests on his brain and blood etc, so his findings are interesting to say the least. He highly recommends getting a blood panel done to find out what foods you should avoid because we are all different. He says things like, onions and garlic cloud the mind and make it difficult to meditate so try not to eat them regular...

I think my two-year old broke my nose.  Well at least part of the cartilage. He was trying to sneak into bed with me because he has decided that now that the baby sleeps through the night, he no longer needs to sleep at all. In his stealthy ninja pjs he scooted back really hard, head-butting me straight in the nose. I heard a pop and now it hurts when I touch it. My husband says maybe it's a deviated nasal septum, but then I explained to him that I already have this injury from the first time I attempted snow boarding. It was in Santa Fe and I was trying to cut on complete ice. Needless to say, I was unsuccessful and face planted in something unlike powder. The "friends" I went with had left me much earlier than the incident and I was escorted down the mountain by a tween in an orange vest. As I made my way into the bathrooms people were staring at me so I wondered if they could tell I was crying. When I looked in the mirror however, I realize my allure. Two black ey...

Planning on losing weight during the holidays is like an oxymoron.  I see treats everywhere and I think, "get in my belly!" So maybe my diet is not perfect yet... By not perfect I mean, I've already gained back the initial five pounds I lost the week before Christmas.  I did manage to work out this holiday season, however.  I did it all with an audience too...now that they're home for Christmas break,  my twelve year old niece and five year old son have had the privilege of watching me attempt this living room madness.  Who doesn't want to be watched doing a ti-bo electric slide move by extended family??? This girl! Let's just say I confiscated all video/ still cameras and electronics prior to them entering the facility. One day my five year old said, "mommy, you are really good at this!" and POOF! Cookies the Christmas elf managed to appear back on the shelf. It was crazy. He was all the way in the North Pole telling Santa abo...

Since I've only been writing this blog for a couple of months, I have not exactly been taking notes on awkward moments, but I thought I'd jot down this year's top twenty that I can remember off hand. Look out 2015...I'm taking notes this time! 2014- A Year of Awkward Moments The moment when your four year old sees someone with a facial deformity at Wal-Mart literally the day after watching “The Hunchback of Notre-Dame” and yells, “Look mommy! Quasimodo!” I could not push the cart away fast enough. Awful…just awful. The moment when you are 8 months pregnant and attempt to put a huge bag of dog food on the bottom of the cart at Costco and the cart goes flying and you land on your butt in the middle of the aisle.  The moment your husband realizes it's not you groping him from behind, but it's actually a drunk lady he trains in the gym.  The moment you try to introduce your children to your boss and they immediately st...